Everybody who is anybody knows there are rules laws about what makes a Zombie a Zombie and not just some cannibal in desperate need of an AVON call!
There is and always will be a debate on the subject of the Undead we loving refer to as Zombies and what their defining characteristics are. Isn’t it about time we set the Universal Laws? We thought so!
LAW 1:
- Zombies are former humans who have DIED and come back from the dead, thus they are UNDEAD.
- They are NOT simply sick humans who have lost all human characteristics thus are zombies.
- The only exception to this law is the Voodoo/hoodoo Zombies created through the use of neuro-toxins to “brainwash” victims.
LAW 2:
- Zombies want to eat you.
- They prefer the human brain but will bite, claw, and consume any part of you they can get their grubby Undead hands on.
- The reason for their need to consume human flesh is not completely known so debate is still open. Theories range from mini-parasites on teeth and nails that spread the Z-plague, to issues with the thalamus of the brain causing Zombies to not realize they are full thus they constantly hunger.
LAW 3:
- Zombies cannot swim. Experts have confirmed that the Undead lack the coordination needed to swim, thus it is not possible. They can however walk along the bottom of a body of water and stay submerged for long periods of time (see LAW 4).
LAW 4:
- With the exception of the brain, all “essential” bodily functions of a zombie have ceased. This includes but is not limited to heart beat, lungs, liver, bladder and bowels.
- Though the lungs function in their intended role, they are capable of drawing air and releasing it, allowing for the Zombie’s signature moan.
- Due to the lack of oxygen, Zombies are not capable of suffocation and can walk under water.
- Zombies do poop. As “food” is forced into their system the body eventually forces it out the other end (hey, it happens).
LAW 5:
- Zombies cannot communicate.
- Zombies are virtually unaware of each other and only flock in a horde because this is usually where the prey is. The horde is not a coordinated effort to get you (so calm down Mr. Paranoid).
- It is a waste of your time, and in fact quite dangerous to try to talk, reason, or debate theology with a Zombie.
- The reason that the moans attract other Zombies is that Zombies are attracted to any sound.
LAW 6:
- Zombies Can’t Love.
- The Undead retain no memories of their former life, and there for have no emotional attachments to those they used to know. In fact, Zombies cannot form emotional attachments at all, to humans, animals or other Zombies.
- The only thing a Zombie is dedicated and loyal to is its next meal.
LAW 7:
- There is only one way to kill a Zombie: Destroying the brain.
- Cranial damage must be extreme enough to puncture the white matter of the brain. Some believe it is enough to sever the brain stem, but to be sure it is best to utterly decimate the brain.
- Decapitation will NOT kill a zombie. The body may no longer be animated due to lack of communication with the brain, but if the brain is not damaged, the severed head will continue to pose a threat.
LAW 8:
- Zombies can’t run. (Look fan-boy, we know its scarier if a zombie is running full blast at you, but its physically impossible for a body that has been decomposing to get faster. Get over it. If you really feel that strongly about it, make your case in the comments section below and laws may be re-evaluated.)
- Zombies CAN and lunge and get bursts of speed as they get closer to their prey.
LAW 9:
- Zombies have use of most of their senses, though these senses are not “superhuman”:
- Taste- As stated in LAW 2: Zombies will eat any part of a human they can get a hold of, but if a live brain is available they will attempt to get at it first. This is where the myth that Zombie want to eat your brains come from. It is unknown why they prefer the brain so most equate it to a taste preference.
- Sight- According to “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks, Zombie can spot a burning ember of a cigarette over a mile away. Though the undead have the same night-vision capabilities as the average human, it is believed that they seem to have better nocturnal vision because they rely on other senses when one fails.
- Smell- Zombies can smell human pheromones, and some believe blood from at least a quarter-mile away. They also smell urine, fecal matter, and fear. (Ok, so maybe not fear.)
- Hearing- Zombies react to any sound, though once they investigate the sound, if it is discovered not to be prey, they can distinguish it between other sounds and avoid it in the near future. However, due to a lack of long term memory, Zombie soon forget and will check out the sound again. This is why Zombies have been noted walking in circles. They are investigating the sound of their own foot steps.
- Touch- Zombies feel nothing.
LAW 10-
- If a Zombie bites or scratches you, (sorry buddy there is no cure) you’re screwed.
- Though it is possible to amputate the limb or cut out the infected area, this is rarely effective and 98.99% of the time, a human infected will change anyway. The other 1.01% of the time the amputation usually results in the infected person bleeding out.
So, these are the laws of the Zombie land! Marvel at their splendor and debate freely below! Think you know someone who wants in on the discussion? Feel free to tweet about it and FB like it above!
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if zombies can walk they can run … if a dead body can balance and walk from memory it can run…it’s like saying a zombie arms can only slowly move because they are stiff from being dead …they would just run until they tear enough tendons and muscles that they can’t physically run or walk anymore
Very cool Steve
But Regarding LAW 5..
In Land of the dead (not the best zombie film, decent enough though), does the Pump attendant zombie not communicate with the zombies?? plus they do listen/respond to him..
And “Bob” in Day of the Dead (awesome) communicates with the doctor (although not another zombie)
I think there would be some sort of communication, even the most basic kind..
Not disagreeing dude,
just my own opinion on it ;0
GOOD JOB
Fair points, but i suppose this would be “Exceptions to the rules”. i mean if you really want to go there, in Return of the Living Dead, a female zombie has a monologue for crying out loud!
the idea behind this law is simply that a zombie, being devoid of all human traits and characteristics would have no need for communication, nor the mental capability to use the thought process required for it.
Plus, in The Zombie Autopsies (See my review) The entire frontal lobe of a Zombie which is the logic/reason/human part of the brain, is mush.
Laws to stay alive by. Great job !!!
Thanks for the Read and comment Dave!
finally got an account here. (and yes I’m the one that was simply known as “Alex” before…heh).
Will be interesting to look around.
I hope to make new friends and settle in.
Welcome Alex!
Indeed! Welcome home!
Thanks Don and Steve
great site you got here.
Since Zombies still have flesh on them, would spraying them with acid also be a way to destroy them as the acid would eat away at all their remaining flesh?
Interesting point!
I already raised the point about acid in one of my posts below…and while effective at destroying the zombie itself, if the outbreak was from a toxin or a virus that can release spores (similar to a fungus) then you’d be spreading the contamination quicker than a zombie ever could unless the proper precautions were taken. That’d then mean instead of one zombie…you could be then faced with a graveyard full of them or even an entire town or city.
You certainly don’t want to run around with some sort of “acid gun” spraying them in the open, they’d need to be caught, contained in a sealed room, desolved in vats of acid and the fumes vented through a pipe that’s sufficiantly filtered to filter out the finest chemicals and toxins.
Acid and fire are both just as bad for that.
once the acid was corrosive enough to burn through the skull and brain thats highly plauseable
I love this Conversation
yup. Still lovin it!
What wasn’t covered in this is – do zombies ‘sleep’?
I mean, in TWD I’ve seen a few just sitting in da bus, or coppin’ a squat in the yard, back against the fence post.
I think they go into sleep ‘mode’ like a computer does, when there is no environmental stimuli to keep them engaged.
What do you say? Kinda creepy, like the dude in the tank on TWD. Don’t tell me he just ‘reanimated’ right that very second… I think he was in ‘sleep mode’.
probably more like a “stand by” mode than a sleep mode since zombies don’t need actual sleep. This stand by mode could also be used as a nutral lure for prey. However, it should be noted that some zombies are too blood crazed to even enter this state as the mere sound/sight/smell of anything will stir them into a lumbering frenzy.
very cool point. Although Dead and devoid of the person they were, they are still functioning off what is left of the brain, so i think they must go into a “sleep mode” as u say..
maybe the carnal instinct of nearby “dinner” re-stimulates the zombie to come-to and feed..
Regarding Amputation, cures and scratches: I would like to point out that of the few times that amputation was attempted. Only one person has survived, Dale from “The Walking Dead”. The reason Dale survived is rather simple. He had a nurse assisting with the amputation.
Cures: In “Devil’s Playground”. The main character is infected at the beginning of the movie and uses an anti-viral medication to halt the progress of the virus.
Scratches: The Jury is still out on this one. I’ve seen plenty of people survive zombie scratches, the only definite infection is the bites or blood to blood contact IMHO.
I think with the scratches it’s more a case of the “risk” of infection…if zombie tissue, blood or other matter gets into the blood stream through the scratches then it’ll be no differant to being infected by a bite.
those that survived zombie scratches were very lucky indeed, I don’t think that luck would apply in most cases.
Anti-viral medication may seem like a good idea, but it could go so wrong…for starters if it is virus based you might be giving the virus another way to mutate and become stronger…and if the zombie infection is toxin based then anti-viral medication would be pretty much useless.
The sure-fire cure to any of that is to not get bitten or scratched in the first place.
My replies
Law 8, MOVE BITCH, GET OUT DA WAY, GET OUT THE WAY BITCH GET OUT THE WAY – I agree, fresh zombies of a ‘young health pursuasion’ can probably get a bit animated by stimuli, but certainly the more ‘out of shape’ or ‘decrepit’ the person was pre-zombie, well, it only goes down hill.
There should be no bolting around type zombies, I think their ‘animation’ would come in the form of clumsy scrambling and a lot of vocal, but certainly not in predator-stealthy.
Law 1, I’VE BECOME SO NUMB – Hmm, I’m a zombie newbie but I think I could take my zombism either way. The ‘you die and then a zombie reanimates is cool. But I’m open for a case of something simlar to rabies where the infection has a go at the ole brain until there is nothing left but a zombie. I’m cool with it simply because it may bring different story lines in different movies/books etc. But I don’t think there is any chance of a cure (coming back from being a zombie).
Law 2 BRAINS DOES A BODY GOOD – Do they really eat brains? I’ve not seen many zombie flicks yet (TWD, Sean of the Dead, and the short flicks on this website) , but do they eat the flesh off an arm or something then eat the neck and scoop the brians out with their hands? I thought zombies lacked in motor coordination, imagine trying to get the brains out of a head that was still attached. :-\ They can’t use a spoon.
Law 3 – ROLLIN, ROLLIN, ROLLIN ON THE RIVER – I agree, zombies can not swim and honestly , the thought of them WALKING on the bottom of a body of water? Come on, they are clumsy, I can hardly walk across the bottom of a still pool let alone any body of water with a current. I think they’d be totally like tumble weeds, forever bobbling around with no control of where they are going. WEEEEEE!
Law 5 – COME TOGETHER, RIGHT NOW, OVER ME – yeah, they are not pack animals. I totally agree that the only thing that keeps them in proximity to one another is attraction to any source of stimuli, even if that comes from one of them stumbling over a trash can.
As far as the rest – they dont love, they’re not domesticatible, they don’t feel or have feelings, and a bite or scratch is fatal. So listen to your mother and stay the hell away from them.
“proper” zombies are undead and as such the rabies type of theory doesn’t work so well as the infected could still be put down by convensional methods (shooting the body for example), the rabies/disease idea was used in 28 days later and it’s sequal and they weren’t really zombies in those and nor were they ment to me.
Zombies in water could work and they’d actually be less clumsey as the water would act as a sort of “cusion” for their movements. Also their movments would be even slower and as a result more delibrate due to there not being the same freedom of movement as in open air. and zombies don’t have their bodies oxygenated – you, and anyone else, have problems walking under water because your lungs and blood stream are full of oxygen….zombies have no oxygen and thus sink like a stone with their lungs filling with water and adding to the weight.
As for the eating brains thing…yes for the most part they do (although as the rules state, they’ll bite any part of you they can get a hold of), to get into the skull, they use what they got – their hands and their teeth…most notably the teeth.
That’s a point, while I think of it…Steve needs to include a Zombie’s near super-human strength, ‘cos lets face it, a regular human of the same size and build would not and could not EVER do the things a zombie can do in terms of ripping people in half, ripping body parts off fairly easily with bare hands etc etc.
If you’re a zombie new-commer, I suggest watching Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead (preferably the Romero originals first), Return of the Living Dead (1, 2 and 3) and Flight of the Living Dead. That should get any aspiring fan started and a good grounding for the rest.
Excellent points Alex! As for the Strength, Roger Ma explains it best in The Zombie Combat Manual. it is not that they have MORE strength than you or me, it is just that they NEVER get tired! So you know how when you grab something, your grip is explosive at first but slowly fades as your hand gets tired? Imagine if all of your strength was that initial boost!
Thanks for the input!
Katty Kaye- thanks for the humorous approach and break down of the LAWS! I laughed a few times!
I still think they’d have to have a quite bit more strength than a human, the tiredness thing would only work for sustainability (keeping up attacks repetatively and constantly without letting up, or a constant grip that never lets up) , it wouldn’t be a plausible explaination for ripping a torso in half or biting through someone’s skull which would require added strength…if it was merely done on a sustained period you’d be looking at the equivelent of a jail inmate trying to chisel through a wall in his cell with a spoon bit by bit….he’d get there eventually but it’d take ages…lol. and we all know it doesn’t take zombies ages to do those things, they rip a torso or body parts in half almost instantly (body parts, espcially those attached to living things, aren’t that easy to rip apart. they’re sinewey and stretch and interconnected by several bodily systems, muscles, bones and other things). I believe they have both the superhuman strength and the sustained stamina, which makes them bloody dangerous if they get a hold of you….best not to let ‘em do that in the first place…lol.
However I will try and find that book and take a read.
I’d also like to add, I think the creepiest zombie is definately Tar Man from Return of the Livng Dead 1 & 2….if I ever saw him in real life I’d run so fast there’d be fire trails…lol. Speaking of which, your avatar is almost somewhat “Tar Man”-ish…cool avaitar, but a tad creepy (for obvious reason)
Yeah-butt – I just got done with WWZ and am about half way thru Zombie Survival Guide – and didn’t it say that dead is dead, and even though they don’t get ‘tired’ like we do, they also don’t mend and regenerate the way we do (ie if they exert a muscle it won’t mend like ours do and then become stronger), and even though it is pretty slow they are still decomposing? I mean I think that theory is pretty ok.
As far as strength, I have not seen (again in my limited viewing) any zombie ever eating brains, or tearing torsos apart (as in literally tearing someone in half) for that matter. :-\ So for weeks I’ve been silently saying to myself “Whats up with all this brains consumption?”
BTW my mother made me watch Night Of The Living Dead when I was about 11 (probably before some of you were even born! LOL). She wanted me to experience the sheer terror she felt when she saw it when it first came out – I wasn’t very impressed as I believe the Halloween movies were in their hay-day at the time, and well come on, NOTLD was, well, old.
hehe. I’ll have to watch it again.
well I was born in 1972, so unless you watched it shortly after it’s release in 1968, I doubt it…(espcially as you meantion the Halloween movies were in their hayday at the time…those came waaaay later).
I’m not actually a big fan of Night of the Living Dead. I prefer it’s sequals – Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead….Day of the Dead definately shows people getting torn apart.
I think the brains thing was first coined by the Return of the Living Dead franchise, in all those you’ll see people getting ripped apart and brains getting eaten, the second movie in that being more of a comedy, but still with some serious horror elements in there (including the freaky Tar-Man re-appearing).
The first Return of the Living Dead is available on dvd now and got some cool informative extras.
I’d strongly reccomend seeing the ROTLD movies…at least the first one, to get the idea about the brain eating thing and a bunch of other stuff, I don’t think you’ll be disapointed…but you’ll need to remember it IS a late 80′s movie, so it might look a little “dated”, especially with the punk fashion statements and stuff (I’m sure you remember when all that was the rage back then…lol).
While it’s true zombies ARE scarier when running fast (I can’t watch 28 Days Later), I’m much more in love with the idea of slow zombies. A steady, inexorable, unyielding mass of DEATH moving slowly towards you just has so much poetry to it.
INDEED!
only very very fresh ones would run possibly I think…and it wouldn’t be a well co-ordinated run either…likely tripping over their own feet and stuff. However once rigor mortis sets in it’d be all downhill from there.
in the Return of the Living dead movies they actually posed another hypothesis on why zombies go for the brain – because their own supply of the bio-electric energy the brain and nervous system uses is in decline (don’t remember if this is neurons or synaptic or whatever), they need a fresh influx periodicly…hence the need for fresh brains.
Those same movies also demonstrated the use of government experimentation and chemical use as the cause, which in my opinion is a much plausible reason than “it just happening”.
And in Day of the Dead (original) and Land of the Dead there was a zombie in each which demonstrated some rudimentry “memory” retainment, although their former personalities were completely gone…so it’d still be unwise to try and reason with them…since you’d likely wind up with your cranium missing or a juggler ripped open…lol. However, this also means a zombie shouldn’t be underestimated for basic problem solving espcially over a prolonged period of time…so if you want to be secure during a zombie apocalypse, don’t just settle for boards at the windows, make sure it’s REALLY secure, ‘cos if they want in they’ll find a way…eventually (this can and will be compounded by idiots in your party or group that don’t obey the rules…kill ‘em or lock ‘em up and be done with it).
I think the most you could expect a zombie to get intelligence wise is probably akin to a squirral or an octopus…and you’re talking over a very long period of time there in most cases (like everything in nature there will always be exceptions to that) and in most cases I think the zombie life expectancy will be running out shortly there after since once their brain rots completely that’s sufficiant enough brain damage to kill them (no brain, no control). One has to bare in mind how a brain works to understand how a zombie may gain basic problem solving abbilties – the brain’s “food” is the oxyginated blood supply…normally it’s dead without it and has no neurological activity as a result. However, zombies don’t need a blood supply, they run purely off the neurological activity, so if they have the neurological activity then their brain would still have access to any undamaged parts and be able to make use of them. But since they died and came back, as it were, a lifetime’s worth of learning has been practicly erased just like that…doesn’t mean they can’t re-learn though…so never underestimate them.
As for emotional attachments and if they can feel…since a zombie isn’t usually a coherant coversationalist, no one rightfully knows…and again, in Return of the Living Dead, they DO get to “interview” one zombie and she claimed it was painful to be dead (they can feel themselves rotting) and that eating brains “eased” the pain (theory – possible side effect of the toxin perhaps?). Not saying the “interview” was plausible…but the information provided within it is food for thought I think. I wouldn’t rule out a zombie being able to feel, although emotional attachment does seem a little more far fetched (the ONLY way I could see that happening is with someone that was freshly died and rose as a zombie…or got turned like the two guys in Return of the Living Dead, by the toxin…but as like shown in that, the affected/infected person’s condition will progressively get worse until they become more and more “primative” and have less attachment…so either way…they’ll likely lose that eventually).
Mostly Zombies probably “use” their lungs because of the diaphragm (the big muscle at the base of the rib cage) still being able to be used, since they seem to have the use of most other muscles it’s a fair bet they can use that…and thus you get the moaning (as you rightly meantion). I suspect it’s only skeletal muscles though, since the heart and other internals aren’t used.
When underwater I’d imagine they “breath” the water in (‘cos they can still use the diaphragm), but since they’re undead it makes no differance to them…this means they’ll be “coughing”, spitting and drippling water when exiting the water area….messy when taking into account the other stuff that’ll likely come out too, and further danger exisits in that it’s possible the spread of the virus or toxin could be more profound through the zombie “juices” mixing with water supplies.
It should be noted that scratching and biting would not realisticly be the only forms of infection from a zombie, since their infection is likely virus or toxin based, there would be several ways to get infected, although biting and scratching would be the most obvious direct approaches. If a zombie ignites, for examble, I’d advise strongly against breathing in the fumes and preferably if you’re going the whole flamethrower route I suggest confining the zombies in an area/room with no air outlets whatsoever (there’s no telling what their gunk will do to the environment). Avoid a zombie getting on top of you…even if they can’t bite or claw you they might be able to dribble or puke on you…and that’ll likely be highly infectious. And keep any cuts or wounds cleaned and covered (preferably with dressing and something water resistant over the top), if zombie flesh, blood or any other material of theirs gets in there it’ll be the same as if they bit or clawed you – instant infection.
About the destroying the brain thing…I wouldn’t put too much stock in that working with every zombie you come accross and even the ones it does work on it may require more than a blow from a pick axe to do a sufficiant job…if you’re going to do it, do it properly and with style…use a shotgun or some other powerful weapon to take the damage to the proper level – total annihalation. If the body still comes at you afterwards you know you’re dealing with something far more serious (likely more than you can handle)…I’d suggest cut the parts up…then use a meat grinder or mincer on the parts (I would not reccomend torching them or useing any fire…chemically desolving them might work though, but you still have fumes to deal with – perhaps to be vented through a pipe with a suffciant filter system to catch the toxins…needless to say, make sure you have gas masks for that task).
Thanks for your article, Always good to bring up a list of laws and rules on things…and it’s thought provoking. I hope you find my input useful.
Oh yeah…I also wanted to add that zombies may have slightly more acute senses (than a regular human) if they don’t feel pain…notice if a regular human strains their eyes to see something or hear something it damn well hurts…lol, zombies may not be party to that rule of pain of the senses, it’d also depend on what the virus, chemical/toxin or whater infected them is doing as well side effect wise. Although it is a genrally accepted rule of thumb that nearly all undead have hightened senses well above that of the normal human (time to sound proof those walls…lol).
Also agree that zombies wouldn’t be able to move fast due to the decaying flesh, regor mortis and other complications (hate the modern zombie flicks where they have them running and climbing walls etc…they sooo suck…same with zombie flicks where underhanded decietful untrustworthy backstabbers are still alive….since they rely on lieing and cheating to survive they wouldn’t last long in a zombie apocalypse – can’t lie to a zombie, it don’t give a sh*t except to eat your brain..lol).
I apologise if my response is too long…what can I say, I’m an eager zombie fan…lol.
Never apologize for sharing expertise! I love that you are so enthusiastic about the Undead! You raise a few really good points! A few books I recommend:
The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
The Zombie Combat Manual by Roger Ma
The Zombie Autopsies by Dr. Steven Schlozman MD
Thanks again for your views!
Thanks Steve, much appreciated. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out (not literally…lol) for those books.
I also have Stubbs the Zombie for PC, awesome game (completed it like 20 times already and still have the urge to play more), wish they’d make lots more zombie games like that.
Sweet game! I actually have a Stubbs tattoo on my right leg! Stubbs was awesome! Great soundtrack to that game too
Regarding Law #8, I believe that zombies can run, but only at the beginning of the infection. Slowly, the muscles decompose and atrophy, making the zombie slower and slower. The first Romero zombie in ”Night of the Living Dead”, the one who kills Johnny at the beginning of the film, was able to run. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer slow zombies, but they can run at one point. I know.
Possibly a jogging pace, since the muscles would be freshly dead and Zombies do not tire, but defiantly not a sprint!
I like the idea of fast zombies, In my own zombie book, I took a different approach, they start out slow and as they walk around the rigor mortis loosens up (The mortician in NOTLD #1 talks about this.) And yes, I beleive that they can sprint, Fast zombies change so much to the game, they dont get tired, and muscle trauma does nothing to stop them. They’ll keep running until their legs fall off.
I don’t agree that zombies can sprint, although I can see where you’re comming from, it just isn’t plausible from a realistic stand-point – as the cells and muscles atrophe, decay and die they’ll lose strength and movement gradually. You can’t make something have something it hasn’t got – a bit like trying to get a mini cooper’s engine to perform like a ferrarri (I think that’s a good close comparison since engines don’t feel anything)…you can thrash it all you like, you won’t get the same performance, and over time the engine will cease up or burn out from the strain….it’s simple physics. This also means they’d lose their super-human strength eventually as well.
The only way I’d subscribe to the sprinting zombie theory is if a scientist was tampering with zombie genetics in a lab (like they do in some of these movies), and was developing a more agile zombie for combat use in the field…obviously that’ll be prone to desaster and the zombies will escape…lol. But then that wouldn’t be a standard zombie, that’d be a genetic hybrid, and a very dangerous one.
just wanted to add, that zombies might be able to do a very short hop/pounce of about a foot or less for grabbing unwarey prey….since such an action could easily be performed by a quick simultanious jerking/grabbing action. But I think that’s about as agile as a zombie would ever get usually. and they definately can lunge at passing/unwarey prey.