The Centers for Disease Control needs to get its message straight. This week the CDC released a statement saying that Zombies are not, nor will they be real so forget the Zombie Apocalypse. Harvard Doc and resident ZZN Zombologist Dr. Steve Schlozman released a similar statement.
“In the cold room at the University, we had a cadaver, a cadaver from which all limbs had been amputated. Some time early this morning, it opened its eyes and began to move its trunk. It was dead, but it opened its eyes and tried to move!”- Dr. Schloz…. oh wait… that was Dr. Grimes from Night of the Living Dead… Never mind.
Here’s the REAL Dr. Schlozman Quote:
“There will not be a zombie apocalypse. Many people shout “boo” when I say this at conventions. If anything, the news this week, with real people suffering real tragedy, is sign enough that we do not need to call something a zombie apocalypse for it to be awful. As I said at comic-con, “We’re humans. We have plenty of ways to end our civilization without zombies.” Zombie movies allow us to ponder these issues in the afforded displacement of campy fiction and movies. Our civilization has made it through some tough times, but the zombie movies teach us that there is a danger in taking for granted the importance of community, of compromise, and of civility.” -Dr. Steven Schlozman in an article for Psychology today titled ‘Zombies are NOT Real’
Meanwhile at the CDC…
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” -CDC spokesman David Daigle in an email to the Huffington Post
Right. Okay so the CDC says its no time to panic.
With respected Zombologist Dr. Steve Schlozman (who also happens to be a Harvard professor, physician, psychologist, and all around good guy) saying ‘sorry folks, no Zombies here.’ and the CDC saying its not gonna happen, there is only one thing any reasonable would-be Zombie survivalist can assume: Its going to happen.
Look, not to call B.S. but this “pundant” is calling B.S.
First off, Physicians have already said that BATH SALTS can cause Zombie-like symptoms (See Rudy Eugene), and documented cases of other cases of drugs like Tetrodotoxin causing Zombification (See Haitian Voodoo Zombie Clarvias Narcisse), and Parasites causing Ants to lose total control and ultimately commit Zombie Suicide.
So perhaps the CDC actually stands for Centers for Disease Cover-ups. Although We realize –and hope that our readers do too– that this site is MAINLY for entertainment purposes, we do on occasion cover the actual NEWS- not just book reviews, video game news, and other Zombtastic products… hence the name ZOMBIE ZONE NEWS.
The difference between us and the other “News” organizations is that we are not afraid to explore the possibilities. We REFUSE to shut out or deny the possibility of ANY plausible explanation for the actions of human beings especially when the science is out there but the “experts” refuse to acknowledge it.
In his article we mentioned before Dr. Schlozman makes some great points. Perhaps its not politically correct to call some one a “Zombie”. Perhaps the better word would be “Living Impaired” or “Infected”. We really can’t blame Dr. S. for not acknowledging the possibility of the undead or infected or whatever you may want to call them. Can you imagine how the medical community would react if he tried to say that it could happen? Seriously, the guy would be shunned! Professionally, could his patients take him seriously? Would he be at risk of losing his medical license? You never know. The guy is brilliant and one of the nicest guys anyone could meet. He has no fears about discussing how things could be in the fight against “Walkers”, but always behind the safety of calling it “Fiction”. His “Fiction” Book is one of the best that this reviewer has ever read and as such one of the most recommended.
“Hey STZ, What Zombie Books do I need to have?”
“The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, The Zombie Combat Manual by Roger Ma, and The Zombie Autopsies by Dr. Steve Schlozman”
No book covers the scientific plausibility of Zombies better and I doubt any ever will. That said, its published as fiction.
So are we saying Zombies exist? No. Are we saying they don’t? No. We’re simply saying “BETTER SAFE THAN ZOMBIE!” I don’t think my house will ever catch on fire, but I still carry insurance. I’d rather be ready, and never need to be, than wish I was when the time came.
The bottom line is that NO ONE knows what will happen tomorrow. We cannot afford to assume that Zombies will never exist. I doubt that the dead will ever rise from their grave, but I really do think that its plausible that a disease or drug will (and does) give people Zombie-like symptoms. So watch the news. Read our stuff. Question the official answers and remember that those poor saps at the office that laugh when you tell them with a strait face that the Zombies are coming will be the same ones you will find Zombified later, or begging you to save them.
Stand tall, stand firm, and most importantly, believe what you believe and form those beliefs on your own!
Photo Credit: Jess D’Arbonne, used with permission