5 Ways to Zombie-proof Your House

Back in April of this year photos of a “Safe House” created by KWK Promes that billed itself as the worlds first Zombie Proof house hit the web. If you are wealthy, this house is the perfect place to protect your assets and the ones you love from the impending Zombie Apocalypse!

The house sports a huge concrete wall around the premises and open glass walls… that are covered in concrete with the push of a few buttons! Within moments an open and beautiful modern home turns into a virtually invincible fortress of solitude fit to hold up against the largest of Zombie hordes! Check out the photo gallery at the bottom of this article for just how wicked this home becomes!

Now all of this is fine and dandy for the rich who can afford it, but what about the common Would-be-Zombie-Survivalist?

Never fear, ZZN is here! Take these five steps to Zombie Proof you house and you should be good to go, no matter HOW much money you have! We advise you to start right away if you are serious about surviving the Zombie Plague, because you never know when it will start!

1. Weaponize before they rise!

If you plan to defend yourself with firearms, obtain the proper permits and locks to ensure the safety of yourself and others in the home and the legality of your weapons.

If you plan to slay via melee, make sure your weapon choices are strong and real. To clarify, if you prefer blades, make sure they are authentic and not “battle ready” replicas. If you choose bludgeons, make sure your weapons are not cracked or damaged in any way.

Spend at least two to four hours a day/night practicing with your weapon until it becomes an extension of you and you make no movements with it in your grasp that are not intentional.

2. Strategic Product Placement!
Once you have selected how you will fight (if you have to), make sure that there is no place in your home where you are more then ten feet from a weapon. This can take some creative planning.

Consider using table legs that are easy to break off but are thick enough to last at least a dozen whacks. Perhaps you have a great wooden baseball bat or an “Authentic Collectors Japanese Katana” that you can proudly display. Sometimes, it is easiest to simply hide your bludgeons in closets and under couches. Regardless of how or where you hide your weapons, be sure to practice accessing them as quickly as possible.

3. Hit the Bars!
In today’s psycho-society, it is not uncommon for anyone concerned with their family’s safety to purchase a home security system and place bars on their windows. This is great news for anyone wanting to prepare their home for Zombies without looking like a paranoid nut job!

A word to the wise: if you plan to purchase a home security system exclusively to alert you to Zombies trying to break in, do not invest in a system that has you remotely connected to a call center. In the event of the End of the World, these so called “lifelines” will be completely overwhelmed with calls for help and reports of break-ins. Your best bet is to invest in a system that takes installment payments (if you are trying not to break the bank) and can alert you via siren (that can be shut off easily) any time glass is broken or your door is entered.

Make it a habit to activate the alarm any time you are home, awake or asleep.

As far as the bars on the windows and doors, once installed pull on them with your full body weight. If they pull free from the house, fear not. This is a good thing. You now know that they were not good enough to hold up to ONE zombie, let alone a horde! Remember, Zombies never get tired and will keep trying to get to food (that would be you) forever.

4. Know thy Neighbor/Potential Enemy
Get to know not only your neighbor but their home, as it may become your safe haven. Do not let your neighbor into your heart. Odds are they will not be as open to planning for the Zombie Apocalypse as you are, and may end up trying to invite themselves in for dinner… namely you.

5. A Man With a Plan is a Man Who Will Stand!
Have both a long-term and short-term plan for survival.

When coming up with your plan consider the following questions:

How long do you plan to hold up in your home? Assume help is NEVER coming.
How much food do you have that is non-perishable?
How much ammo do you have?
Do you have a generator?
Do you have a way to vent the Generator so that you don’t suffocate from CO2?
Where will you go if you leave your home?
How will you get there?
How many people will be with you?
Will you have enough food/weapons for your party for your travels?
Do you plan to return home?

These tips may save your life! But hey, if you’re not really one who wants to work to fortify your home, no worries! Just buy the house or one like it below!

About Steve The Zombie

Steve The Zombie has an interesting claim to undead fame- His cousin had such an impact on the Zombie community that XBOX made a game about him- A little game called "Stubbs the Zombie". Like Stubbs, in life Steve was a Salesman with excellent communication skills. In fact, his alter ego Steve Adelmund has published several Zombie News articles, a fictional Zombie book, founded and organizes an annual Zombie Walk for charity, and is an avid Zombologist dedicated to the advancement of understanding Zombies and knowing all things Zombie Survival. His perspective is unique, and the knowledge he shares may save your life.

When asked "You don't really believe in Zombies do you?", his typical answer is "Wait, you REALLY DON'T believe in Zombies?"

Contact Steve
Check him out on Twitter @SteveDaZombie

Frightful Discussion

  1. First defense would be to have a good fence or wall, concrete and steel grill fence so you can see whose coming and a good gate. two-storey house will the upper portion as your Alamo.

  2. gritzanatorUSMC says:

    i would love this house but ihave one drawback. say some how a horde knows ur in there they will wait it out, and say u run out of food and ur surrounded how do u get out to get food. unless u have a large group and eat them before those greedy zeds can, SEMPER FI ! jk probably, all im sayin is i have air acess any time with enough room in my aircraft for 12 and enough fuel to go around the world 1 and a half times and i plan to get more. so i dont worry about traffic or buggin out of the house liike an idiot it spreads faster in populated areas and everyone will try to hit the freeways and its over for them unless they grow wings, ill be flying over with my m60 trying to save who i can within my bullet ration for the day of course. but if u are truly ready for the zeds to take over, hopefully u will be smart enough to stay somewhare safe. i am a serious guy and i have three others with me who also prepare and our familes. if u are serious contact me back and if u are willing to contribute so we may survive the apocalypse, i am looking for more people we cant repopulate the world with three familes. we have 9 people and are looking for thirty because some im sure will not make it we plan to have enough suplies for 40 for 3 years that includes water, food,and a slightly smaller ration of chocolate, alchohol and ciggarettes. and already have a quarter of that i might add. we need at least 2 doctors, a bioligist, a farmer, a nutritionist, a survival expert even though i am one, courtosy of the US Marine corp, people with skilled trades who would be usefull in a zed infested world, people ready to work so that they may survive, and lots of women. but like i said u have to have supplies that are usefull for a long term stay in my camp that is halfway done and will be ready for operations in 3 months that will house up to 40 comfortably with the security of a 12 foot wall 2 feet thick that already covers two thirds of the camp and my chopper for emergency but it will not fit all so i plan to make an underground bunker within the complex in case we get overrun but that is highly improbable. buuuuuttttttt i dont have the funds for such thing so any contractors out there with the same cause as the rest of us willing to join and help me and my crew build it would be highly valued. but i feel i’ve wasted the less serious people’s time so for that suck it up crybaby, marines are never sorry. but if u are serious thank u for ur time, semper fi and good mornin ladies im out.

  3. haha my son has a zombie plan too, personally i think he can do what he wants, but out loud i call him a nutter haha

    • You have to believe him to some extent, otherwise you wouldn’t have read this article ;) All kidding aside, as a “Zombie Survivalist” I recommend having SOME Kind of emergency plan, and so does the CDC believe it or not!!

  4. 5 mil? not way! at least 20-30 mil euros (it’s located in Poland)

  5. I think the pricetag of this house runs 5 mil easy!

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