Back in April of this year photos of a “Safe House” created by KWK Promes that billed itself as the worlds first Zombie Proof house hit the web. If you are wealthy, this house is the perfect place to protect your assets and the ones you love from the impending Zombie Apocalypse!
The house sports a huge concrete wall around the premises and open glass walls… that are covered in concrete with the push of a few buttons! Within moments an open and beautiful modern home turns into a virtually invincible fortress of solitude fit to hold up against the largest of Zombie hordes! Check out the photo gallery at the bottom of this article for just how wicked this home becomes!
Now all of this is fine and dandy for the rich who can afford it, but what about the common Would-be-Zombie-Survivalist?
Never fear, ZZN is here! Take these five steps to Zombie Proof you house and you should be good to go, no matter HOW much money you have! We advise you to start right away if you are serious about surviving the Zombie Plague, because you never know when it will start!
1. Weaponize before they rise!
If you plan to defend yourself with firearms, obtain the proper permits and locks to ensure the safety of yourself and others in the home and the legality of your weapons.
If you plan to slay via melee, make sure your weapon choices are strong and real. To clarify, if you prefer blades, make sure they are authentic and not “battle ready” replicas. If you choose bludgeons, make sure your weapons are not cracked or damaged in any way.
Spend at least two to four hours a day/night practicing with your weapon until it becomes an extension of you and you make no movements with it in your grasp that are not intentional.
2. Strategic Product Placement!
Once you have selected how you will fight (if you have to), make sure that there is no place in your home where you are more then ten feet from a weapon. This can take some creative planning.
Consider using table legs that are easy to break off but are thick enough to last at least a dozen whacks. Perhaps you have a great wooden baseball bat or an “Authentic Collectors Japanese Katana” that you can proudly display. Sometimes, it is easiest to simply hide your bludgeons in closets and under couches. Regardless of how or where you hide your weapons, be sure to practice accessing them as quickly as possible.
3. Hit the Bars!
In today’s psycho-society, it is not uncommon for anyone concerned with their family’s safety to purchase a home security system and place bars on their windows. This is great news for anyone wanting to prepare their home for Zombies without looking like a paranoid nut job!
A word to the wise: if you plan to purchase a home security system exclusively to alert you to Zombies trying to break in, do not invest in a system that has you remotely connected to a call center. In the event of the End of the World, these so called “lifelines” will be completely overwhelmed with calls for help and reports of break-ins. Your best bet is to invest in a system that takes installment payments (if you are trying not to break the bank) and can alert you via siren (that can be shut off easily) any time glass is broken or your door is entered.
Make it a habit to activate the alarm any time you are home, awake or asleep.
As far as the bars on the windows and doors, once installed pull on them with your full body weight. If they pull free from the house, fear not. This is a good thing. You now know that they were not good enough to hold up to ONE zombie, let alone a horde! Remember, Zombies never get tired and will keep trying to get to food (that would be you) forever.
4. Know thy Neighbor/Potential Enemy
Get to know not only your neighbor but their home, as it may become your safe haven. Do not let your neighbor into your heart. Odds are they will not be as open to planning for the Zombie Apocalypse as you are, and may end up trying to invite themselves in for dinner… namely you.
5. A Man With a Plan is a Man Who Will Stand!
Have both a long-term and short-term plan for survival.
When coming up with your plan consider the following questions:
How long do you plan to hold up in your home? Assume help is NEVER coming.
How much food do you have that is non-perishable?
How much ammo do you have?
Do you have a generator?
Do you have a way to vent the Generator so that you don’t suffocate from CO2?
Where will you go if you leave your home?
How will you get there?
How many people will be with you?
Will you have enough food/weapons for your party for your travels?
Do you plan to return home?
These tips may save your life! But hey, if you’re not really one who wants to work to fortify your home, no worries! Just buy the house or one like it below!